Hrm...how to say this without turning this into a novella....
My first husband, the abusive jerk...yeah, he was a pastor. Nothing like a little hypocrisy to go with your fire and brimstone. So I was a pastor's wife. For eight years. When I left him, I also left the Christian faith. Shortly after that, I was saying goodbye to a loved one who was about to get on a plane and I've always had this mortal terror of airplanes whether it's me riding in them or someone I love. And I was so nervous and I started to pray. I caught myself after a few seconds and was like, "WTF girl? You can't pray! You don't believe in that anymore, remember?"
And I felt very small and powerless by doing...nothing. And in that moment I realized that prayer was just that, a remedy to feeling out of control. We can't control a situation but we can pray about it and make ourselves FEEL like we're controlling it, or at least doing something. Which is better than doing nothing, right?
So...all that to say...I agree with you and am most definitely going to hell (I already have my handbasket - I've got a friend in the business who makes them :P) so...you're not alone in that regard.
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Date: 2007-11-29 05:38 pm (UTC)My first husband, the abusive jerk...yeah, he was a pastor. Nothing like a little hypocrisy to go with your fire and brimstone. So I was a pastor's wife. For eight years. When I left him, I also left the Christian faith. Shortly after that, I was saying goodbye to a loved one who was about to get on a plane and I've always had this mortal terror of airplanes whether it's me riding in them or someone I love. And I was so nervous and I started to pray. I caught myself after a few seconds and was like, "WTF girl? You can't pray! You don't believe in that anymore, remember?"
And I felt very small and powerless by doing...nothing. And in that moment I realized that prayer was just that, a remedy to feeling out of control. We can't control a situation but we can pray about it and make ourselves FEEL like we're controlling it, or at least doing something. Which is better than doing nothing, right?
So...all that to say...I agree with you and am most definitely going to hell (I already have my handbasket - I've got a friend in the business who makes them :P) so...you're not alone in that regard.